Excerpt

I was beginning to develop a somewhat impressive list of clients, still mostly on a par with Fred and Stuart, who were perfect as they afforded me the practice I needed. When I was out with them, that other part of myself took over my mind and body and these characters I created soon became stronger and more creative with each date. Each time, a new variation of this hard-edged, fast-talking broad would pop out -- full grown. She was developing daily.

At this stage, I referred to my other, developing self as “she” as I still didn’t feel there was any real attachment between her and ‘the real me’.

I marveled as she already seemed so secure in herself, so in control. I couldn't compare her to myself in any way, as everything about her was so totally different from me. But, when she came alive, every fiber of my own existence seemed so much more alive too. Throbbing with energy and imagination. When she came alive, my mind became clearer and quicker than ever before. I had been an average student in school but now, through her, I was propelled to the top of the class. Her instincts came quickly and my body seemed to follow with ease. Eyes flashing, tongue lashing. She was the boss and I was in love with every fiber of this new being; with every minute of this new life.

I lived for my dates. When I was out, I was on a great high. When I was at home, I thought about nothing else but my new role. I envisioned new outfits and make-up tricks; I thought about new places to go and new things to do. Never before had I felt so alive and fully absorbed in what I was doing. My whole world revolved around my newly developed characters and my body throbbed to a new beat, with unbridled energy. Yet, occasionally when I took the time to look in the mirror I still saw that same sweet girl looking back at me. Yes, she was still there but now she was somewhat hidden under multi-layers of make-up and all dressed up in fancy new duds. I knew that underneath it all, I was still her. I had always been so modest, even at home in front of my mother or friends. Now, suddenly I was an exhibitionist, ready to expose even the most intimate parts of my anatomy to men who were really nothing more than total strangers.

It thrilled me when I saw their eyes glaze over just at the sight of my voluptuous breasts. I actually tingled knowing how it excited them just to be in my presence and how they longed to just touch me. This was not at all an extension of the girl I was. It was a totally new person that sprang to life whole ... yet she came from within my own body and imagination. I was reminded of the movie, ‘The Three Faces of Eve’, in which Joanne Woodward played a woman with multiple personalities. I don't mean to say that I was schizophrenic but this new role I was playing might have been in part an aspect of a multiple personality mixed in with some wish fulfillment. Looking back now, I think it was just that each of us is actually made up of many different personalities that work together to create one facade. We’re all the good girl, the bad girl, the imp and the tomboy. All mashed together to form one whole. All I knew was that I was getting much more pleasure from these new developments than I had ever had from my old, good-girl self. Life was throbbing and every aspect of me was alive!

Now, before I even began to contemplate putting money into creating a real dungeon for myself, I gave thought to developing my exterior self. Did you ever notice that when you're all dressed up you walk, talk and act differently than you do when you're in jeans and a sweatshirt? Well, this is one of the tricks of the trade Dolly taught me. Changing the exterior helps you to actually become that person.

My metamorphosis was about to begin and my first stop was a wig store on East 60th Street where I dropped a bundle on three extremely different wigs. The first was short, platinum and spiky for a tough-girl look; the second long and black and exotic like Morticia Addams; and the third, a hot and foxy number with flaming red curls and a really lively attitude. Each one of them actually helped transform me into these new and vibrant personalities. They would each work their own individual magic. I'm not saying that I just looked different in each but rather that they changed the way I actually saw myself and so that change of personality seemed to be coming from within me. I became electrified. I was in disguise so I didn't have to be all the things I had been taught to be -- sweet, kind, caring. I could let myself go and be a bitch. I could yell. I could curse. I was freed to do almost anything.

Make-up was my next step. I was still very young and I don't think of youth as an asset in this particular area of work. So, to present an older, more worldly front, I went to a theatrical make-up company and had them teach me the tricks of their trade. My eyes would be heavily outlined in kohl

and further embellished with a fringe of thick lashes, top and bottom. I drew fake beauty marks anywhere I liked ... moving them at whim would confuse the future slaves. My lips were painted a blackened red to accentuate my voluptuous mouth and perfect, white teeth. The wigs topped off the transformation ... the curly red one was for a bouncy, playful persona ... the platinum spiked one when a cold-as-steel attitude was needed ... and the Morticia one for the ultra-vamp; the sex goddess.

And there were many more to come. Each slave would get the mistress to suit his individual needs. Once a personality was established for each client, I'd stay with that look. Dolly had really stressed that I had to establish that personality strongly in each of the slaves' conscious minds.

I was amazed at how easy it was. I found that all I had to do was to put on any of my new costumes and, magically, that new personality emerged and I became the directress. In my case, this change of look was what freed me. It was as if all my life I had been hiding from my real self ... or maybe that my real self was emerging and that sweet little girl was the facade and she was now about to take the back seat.

I became tougher yet more playful. Energy seemed to surge through my limbs and I had the confidence and strength of a Superwoman who knew she could bend steel in her bare hands. My eyes flashed with a new self- confidence I had never even imagined before. My very walk and stance changed. Even my own mother wouldn't have recognized my voice. I was daring and divine. I was going to conquer the world.

Though the looks with each slave remained basically the same, the routines always changed... and this is where some of those props I had bought at Pleasures came in so handy.

As I said before, I still didn't have enough money to set up a dungeon so I would make due with hotel suites paid for by my clients. The new toys I'd acquired helped transform the standard hotel environment into something a little more special. A place cloaked in mystery, charged with mischief and foreboding.

Again, Dolly obliged by setting me up with some more new men. Her slaves were not just loyal but also possessive. Each wanted to think he alone owned her. Her time card was pretty filled up and there could never be any intermingling so she would pass the occasional new caller on to me,

sight unseen. And I soon became one busy little Mistress. But, I'm getting ahead of myself now. Let's take a look at some of my new acquisitions.

***

Leonard phoned late one afternoon. He was shy at first, after all, he thought he was talking to a tough, experienced Dominatrix. He confessed he'd been bad. When I asked how, he said he'd had bad thoughts, dirty thoughts and that he had to be punished. Exactly what kind of thoughts is what I needed to know. He told me that he dreamed a vampire would capture him, tie him up and take advantage of him sexually. He insisted that it was always against his will as he was a happily married man and would never even imagine cheating on his wife. But this vampire had tremendous power over him and could do anything to him. He just couldn’t fight her off no matter how much he screamed and how hard he fought. In the dream, he explained how she would strip him, bind and gag him. Then, when he was completely helpless, she would run her hands all over him until he was out of control and he would sin.

How wonderful! How easy he was making it for me. He spelled out everything he needed. I told him I would take care of him and his evil thoughts. It would be $200 an hour plus the cost of a hotel suite that he would have to reserve and pay for in advance. He agreed and we set a time. I got to the hotel and went up to the suite an hour before our designated meeting to familiarize myself with the layout and set up all my paraphernalia so everything would be ready for Leonard. I left him instructions on a sheet of paper lying on the floor at the entrance to the suite telling him to go to the bedroom, strip completely and put on the full face mask I had left on the bed. I further instructed him to kneel at the side of the bed in prayer position and wait there, not moving, until I arrived.

Meanwhile, I was downstairs at the bar having a drink to loosen myself up and get me into the mood for our at 8pm appointment. At 8:20, when I knew he'd be ready and waiting on sore knees, I went upstairs. I wore a non-descript trench coat belted over my fabulous black leather catsuit. My new make-up was also well hidden under big, blackened sunglasses. I had locked the wig and spike heeled shoes in the front closet of the suite. I quietly entered the suite, hung my raincoat in the closet, slipped on the wig and changed my shoes. I looked at myself in the hall mirror and voila, it was a new me and I was already on fire. Ready for the conquest.

I was no longer shy and sweet but burning hot and ready to take control. Not bothering to even knock, I burst into the bedroom to find him obediently kneeling at the side of the bed with the black leather mask covering his head, as I had instructed. I made believe I was enraged finding him there. He had already been kneeling for at least 20 minutes and was trembling from being in that position for so long. I had also lowered the thermostat in the room before I left so the room was now downright chilly.

This was a first for me and I was amazed at how confidently I acted. I strode over to where he was kneeling and ran the pointy toe of my pump down along the inside of his naked thigh, around the crack of his backside, and then all the way underneath until I poked at his quivering balls. I don't think he ever expected my approach and really seemed to panic. (I'd learned from Dolly that when they're naked and when they can't see, they're the most vulnerable). Now, I ran the shiny, pointy black toe of my shoes down along the inside of his thigh and rested the heel on his calf. Not hard ... but just enough to make him a little more uncomfortable.

“What are you doing sniveling around here,” I demanded. “Don't you know that when the sun goes down I rule here. You are in my territory.”

He began to turn and I'm sure he caught sight of my ominous shoe from the sliver of light that seeped in at the bottom of the mask. I smacked him with the cane I’d brought. Smack! Smack! On the crest of his naked ass. I hissed that he should turn back to the bed and worship there as if he were in front of an alter.

I don't know how but the dialogue just flowed like I had already rehearsed the lines for days. I was a totally different person. I was acting out without even thinking of what I was saying or doing and I was so sexually turned on, I felt like I could barely control myself. I had actually become someone I didn't recognize at all.................